..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
