We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
