We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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