you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
this is an emotional support booty call
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
