also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
