oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
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