I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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