I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
