How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
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You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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