we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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