There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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