the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
