dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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