How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
