Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
