If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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