Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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