Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize