12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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