Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
