Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
