DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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