Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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