she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
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hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
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So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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