Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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