So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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