So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
