If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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