Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
