She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
