I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
