i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
