I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize