Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
pray to the hookup gods
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
