I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
