i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
do nipples grow back?
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