She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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