I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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