i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
