I can't breathe out the right side of my face
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
