I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
