i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
