i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
