I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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