Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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