I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize