Best friends brother. Beat that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
