I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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