so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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