Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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