Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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