I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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