...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think your dad took our porno
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
