Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
