the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
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Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize