I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
