Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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