I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
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He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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