He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am midnight drunk by noon
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
There's even glitter on my cock...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
