it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
