You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
