What did we do last night that was yellow?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
