At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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