he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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