i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
