mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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